this past weekend was amazing - one definitely for the history books.. a romantic getaway with my Mr. W for his birthday consisting of a [scheduled 1 hour] training session which turned into nearly 2 hours [im finding it rather hard to move today without wincing] - 2 hour walk through dtla, 11 flights up in the heart of los angeles surrounded with city lights and muted tones, night with friends and great dress attire to celebrate life.. short lived but long lasting in memory. however, my body is craving the usual routine of “take on the world” - i feel physically exhausted but mentally stimulated. confusing really.. but it works for the moment.
something changed this past weekend.. the air feels different and nerves settled. i am in love w/ the moment.
passionate, kooky, over analytical, crazy, spontaneous, emotional, loving, closed off, open hearted, forgiving, driven, curious, borderline insecure at times, guarded, hedonistic moments, idea upon idea.. i can go on in an endless list.
all in all - i know what i want but i’m figuring out what to do to obtain these goals as i continue forward. i am very aware of my surroundings, my intuition is never off point and i’ve listened to my gut instincts as far as i can remember. i’ve been told i ‘wear my emotions on my sleeve and you can feel my vibes from the next city over’ - not to the point of “what you see is what you get” but pretty much, i am who i am. i get in my feisty moods, i’m very patient when it comes to certain things and very impatient when it comes to others.. i have a fear of opening up to people because of past situations but i am teaching myself to not live my day for the past, its easier said than done. i have little to no patience for self centered mindsets and superficiality is a huge turn off. i make friends everywhere i go, ask anyone and i value friendship to the extreme.. i apologize when i feel necessary even at times i feel its unnecessary but i hold my ground and you’ll know when you’ve gone too far. i can handle any situation besides matters of the heart.. those get my mind all jumbled and i avoided anything relating to the topic for as long as possible.. i can never sit still, when i do my mind goes crazy and i either cut my hair or start another life venture. my family is my backbone and they keep me sane.. i’ve lived by myself for over a year now and think it was the best thing i’ve ever done.. even though i’m at that point now of wanting a roommate again. i never wanted kids or even to get married until the past 2 years and i find myself actually thinking children are incredible.. ugh, i need to be 21 again! :P
i want to affect people, change lives and be remembered.. that is what i would tell people i wanted to “be when i grew up” - you never heard me say teacher, astronaut or actress… i wanted to be different, be in the history books.. and i’m attempting to do so as we speak.
my moods form whip lash and i value each individual willing to not only put up with it, but come back for more. lol.
“And I figured out that the reason I couldn’t get through the day as well as I can now is because I had too many things on my mind, on my plate, you know, for one person to have. So I started to eliminate some of the things that were too heavy to carry and unnecessary”—erykah badu
i just received the first 6 protos for the new collection - exciting, nerve wracking, mind boggling.. a new adventure. i feel as if the “dues” i have been paying for the past 4 years are in the beginning stages of seeming “worth it” - i’ve had a lot of bumps and scrapes along the way, detours and road blocks but my passionate driven mindset never allows me to give up and for this i am thankful. [not to mention my family has been blessed with an inspirational vocabulary and patience to no end.] thank you to everyone who has heard me complain along the way & continued answering the phone when i’d call just to vent - [a special thanks to the boy for his pep talks with eye rolls remixed to challenge me.. haha]
1. [finish]organizing funds and establishing a cc pay off timeline 2. drinks with the girls for jack nastays 25th birthday [oh this night was interesting..] 3. finalizing the graphics for fp tshirts 4. detail cleaning my car - my baby needs a scrubbin or 4 [& scrub it i did] 5. meditate : i have yet to try my kundalini disc i bought a year ago.. [i fell asleep, trying again tonight] 6. quality time with the boy - i heart his kisses to the infinite power [i can’t cross this off because i can never get enough of it, cheesy idgaf] 7. get my hair did, this mug is atrocious! 8. drop the 3 bags of clothing sitting in my studio off at the goodwill 9. gossip with the sister, i miss her - oh! and start our journal i brought back from london [so excited she wants to share it, its beautiful] 10. give my family a hug - i love visiting
maybe i’ll strike a few off, we’ll see.. weekends never truly go down as planned.
Was somebody asking to see the soul?
See, your own shape and countenance, persons, substances,
Beasts, the trees, the running rivers, the rocks and sands.
All hold spiritual joys and afterwards loosen them;
How can the real body ever die and be buried?
Of your real body and any man’s or woman’s real body,
Item for item it will elude the hands of the corpse-cleaners and
Pass to fitting spheres,
Carrying what has accrued to it from the moment of birth to the
Moment of death.
Not the types set up by the printer return their impression, the
Meaning, the main concern,
Any more than a man’s substance and life or a woman’s substance
And life return in the body and the soul,
Indifferently before death and after death.
Behold, the body includes and is the meaning, the main concern,
And includes and is the soul;
Whoever you are, how superb and how divine is your body,
Or any part of it!
you know how they say, “everyday is a new day”? well, today really does feel that way.. what will come of it, i have no clue & for once, i think i’m ok with not knowing. I have this problem of trying to control everything.. friendships, relationships, plans, the future, every damn thing in my life to the point of not being able to truly enjoy - i am ready for my adventure and becoming this sheena i’m meant to become, full time.. quirks, anxiety driven breakdowns, creative obsessive compulsive moments, emotional rollercoasters and all.
I’m in London today, for the weekend and have fallen in love with a location so deeply I can’t begin to imagine explaining its worth. The culture, the architecture, the food, the people, the passion, the wine, the food… Its fucking breathtaking.
My anxiety has left me.. In a place I rest my head with a wandering soul to fixate its energy. I can’t explain it properly but.. I feel at home. This is definitely not my last time here.
I do miss Willian though.
I don’t know if its the passionate aspect of my being opening up again or if I’m simply surrounded with beautiful possibilities but.. Everything in my life, at this moment, screams passion, intrigue, art, infatuation.
I want nothing more than to drink deep red wine, have romantic driven sex, experience tantalizing love.. & create.
I am in love with life again.. And it only took london’s clarity for me to acknowledge this.